Love Across the Drive

Without thinking much about it, I grabbed the little girl’s hand and walked her across the drive in front of the school. A woman had been yelling at the child from a car in the parking lot. I wondered if the woman was the little girl’s mother because, surely, all the parents knew the rules. At my son’s elementary school, there is a driveway in the front where parents can drive through and drop their children off curbside.

But if you go into the parking lot on the other side of the drive, you can’t just drop your child off and leave them to cross the drive on their own. Even though there is a crossing guard, the rule is that a parent must escort their child across the drive.

On this particular day, I had just escorted my son across and saw this woman yelling from a car. As the car was driving off, the little girl was near tears, probably because she knew the rule. That’s when I stepped in and took the girl across the drive.

“You’re going to have a good day,” I said, hoping to cheer her up. She stared straight ahead and walked stiffly.

“Okay? You’ll be fine. Yes?”

Still no response. All I got back was a bunch of negative vibes. Not just little girl negative vibes. I was feeling enough negative vibes for a grown, agitated woman.

It seemed like this incident was just another lapse in parenting, another reason to place a brick in the wall I ran up against with all my morning cheerfulness.

Parenting is tough work, and as quietly as it's kept, it does not come easily to every parent. A child’s needs change when they move from infancy, to toddler, to little kid to big kid. Their needs change, but the level of care and attention required from a parent does not change. If anything, it takes more to properly parent as a child grows. I had to make an intentional decision to parent my children the right way, and for me, that means that I always make them know that I love them. Whether we’re having the best of days or the worst, I want them to know the love I have for them.

Parent means “to bring forth, to develop in mind, to develop physically.” I’m not going to always make the right decisions and do the right things, but I know that I can always love them and let them know it. The indomitable, redemptive power of love, will more than make up for whatever mistakes I make as I bring forth and develop my children.

My earliest memories are of my mother lavishing me with her love. I was her sixth child, but as far as I knew, I was her only child. Once I became aware of my siblings, I realized that surely, I must have been her favorite. As I grew up and heard my siblings talk about my mama, it appeared that each of them thought they were her favorite. She passed that wonderful mother love down, and now I endeavor to spread it liberally on my children.

My kids have gone through some pretty tough stuff. They’ve been in despair, hysterical, terribly upset, but I’ve always tried to soothe their pain with love to keep them from building up a wall of anger or resentment. Only love can keep such walls from forming. And with children, sometimes the littlest things leave the biggest impressions.

That morning was a reminder to me, just in case I find myself too busy to love them the way I should. I can never get too busy to walk my children across the drive. I must always actively love them because the consequences are too much for a child to bear.

I Still Celebrate Love

Going through a divorce can leave you bitter and skeptical of all things having to do with being in love and being loved. For me, marriage wasn’t just about “eros” love, it was also about “agape” love, an unconditional love. So, although my marriage failed, love never failed.

My wedding day was a wonderful, fabulous, day. I remember stepping into the aisle holding my father’s arm and seeing my groom standing tall and handsome as ever. I cried as I walked to the altar toward my beloved. I saw him as a prince who loved me and was committed to my well-being for the rest of our lives. I was likewise committed to being his partner and to helping him accomplish his life’s goals. During the ceremony, he charmed me with an original poem and stunned me with a dip when he kissed me.

I wanted to have one, two, three, four, five babies with him and raise our crew in a loving, Christian home. I looked forward to my kid’s having a thoughtful, steady, protective father, helping them grow and learn. Lord knows I needed someone to balance me because I don’t necessarily believe in things like bedtimes or strict rules and such (but don’t tell my children that). I wanted, had and needed a present partner in parenting. I never imagined anything different.

I wanted to grow old with him. I loved him with all my loving. I still love him, though in a different way.

I had the luxury of mourning the death of my marriage while I was still married, somewhere in that last quarter of my time as a wife. Somehow I got allocated to an opposing team and no matter what I did, he would retreat to his corner and play by rules I never understood. Too often, things just fall apart, and as our marriage disintegrated, neither of us had the skill or wisdom to pick up the pieces and move forward as a united front against the enemy of our union. I was married, but I was in mourning. Looking back, I remember running on the Braes Bayou in Houston and tears were streaming down my face. I saw an older Indian couple sitting on a bench and I yearned to run up to them and plead with them to give me the secret to bridging the gap between me and my dear husband. What did I need to do to stay together as long as they had? Yes, I mourned while I was still married, and by the time I signed the paper that ended our union, I had only a few tears left.

When I told him I was leaving, he insisted that we talk to someone at the church. I reluctantly agreed, but for various reasons, I knew we wouldn’t find healing in any meetings at the church. Once we met with and told an elder what was going on, it was comical watching him fumble around trying to get us an appointment with the busy pastor. This matter was beyond his elder training I guess. Thankfully, the pastor knew me well enough to know that I was already gone and that I would be all right.

There are thousands of books about relationships, why they fail and how to keep them from failing. I could tell you five reasons a marriage fails and ten ways to avoid that failure. But my declaration today is that even after all I’ve been through, I still celebrate love.

I still love weddings. Even after going to one of the most beautiful weddings and then hearing that the marriage fell apart within a few months, I still celebrate love. At every wedding I’ve been to, they say that love never fails. And that’s a reason to celebrate.

I know my marriage was meant to be a lasting covenant, a model of love. Sadly, my relationship with my handsome groom failed, but thankfully love did not fail. Our love spawned two (not five) sweet children. Time and events have reshaped our love which abides in a friendship that began when we were teens. After nine years as a wife and in the eight years since the union ended, I learned that my human failures could never extinguish love.

The Aftermath

Aftermath originally meant "a second crop of grass grown after the first had been harvested" according to dictionary.com. After you reach a goal, a certain inertia or even depression can set in. It takes a lot of energy to accomplish something so it's natural to have a valley experience after the peak of success. However, you can't stay in the valley. It's important to push on to the next level in your life. Define your next goal and go for it. Invest the time and dedication needed to move forward. No turning back. Keep moving forward.

Finals Fatigue

The problem with this finals schedule was that all my finals are this week. Last week felt like two weeks because all I did was study for this week. I took the Payments Systems final yesterday. I used almost every single minute we had. The order of the test was multiple choice, short answer and then essay. I had already decided to do the essay first so I think I was the only person typing for the first hour. I did the short answer next and then the multiple choice. Since essays are more challenging for me than multiple choice, that was the best way to tackle the test.

I'll be hanging around here for Bar/Bri this summer, so if I don't like my grade, I'll have to take a look at that test.

Tonight, I have Texas PreTrial Procedure and tomorrow I have Sales & Leases. Here's why I think I have finals fatigue. It's almost 5 p.m. and my PreTrial test is at 6:30 p.m. I am totally NOT motivated to look at the material anymore. That could be a good thing, but it could also be a bad thing. If I keep looking at the material, I may come across something that helps me on the test--or not. So I decided to post a blog entry instead of studying anymore.

Maybe I'll take a look at my outline at 5:30 or so. Right now, I'll surf the net for updates on the Indiana and North Carolina primaries.

Last Set of Finals

I'm preparing to take my last finals of law school. All my finals are in the last three days, so I've been coasting through this first week. Two of the the tests are open-book, and the one that is not is all multiple-choice/true-false. I'll be all right, but the real test comes in July. I'll do what it takes the pass the bar, but it will be grueling work.

I took my children to Mayfest along with one of my law school friends. We've gone every year during law school. It always lands right around finals and it's a good break from the books.

I can't believe this journey is almost over. I'll have to change my blog and talk about something else for a change. So far, I hope I've encouraged someone who is thinking about going to law school. If I can do it, anyone who really wants to can.

Apres Spring Break

Spring Break is over, and I can tell from how many law school students were here in Starbucks when I came to study.

Every week brings us closer to the ultimate test. The best thing about the Bar Exam is that the questions are very focused. You don't get the "discuss all issues" question, so you can focus on remembering one particular rule and explaining how the facts line up with the rule. But that's only on one portion of the exam. On the multiple choice, you may remember the rule and know all issues, and you still may pick the wrong answer. Of course, the key is to pick the right answer more often than not.

I wonder how much law school has changed my fiction writing creativity. I know that I've come to understand that things are never really as complex as people want them to be. Most issues come down to people wanting something, not getting it, and the ensuing battles that result. Or people get hurt or think they get hurt in some way and they seek retribution for the hurt.

Anyway, I have to focus on this last semester and preparing for the bar exam before I can devote more time to fiction writing. I've been able to sneak some poetry writing in and I've been craving writing short stories. I should have written during Spring Break, but I tried to concentrate on staying up on this political stuff and spending time with my beautiful children.

Enough random thoughts. I should get back to studying for my Texas Pre-Trial Procedure class. Spring break is over.

Studying

I feel like I'm always studying. I could slack off and goof around. Actually, I do that a little, but something in me always motivates me to get back into the books. It's true that this last semester is much easier than previous semesters. However, there is still much work to do. After taking the bar prep class, I see that I need to do a lot of work for the classes that I did not take.

I talked one of my mock trial partners into doing an intramural mock trial competition because some money was on the table. We won first place and both got individual awards (mo money). I don't know why I haven't planned a trip to Vegas for Spring Break with the spoils. It's either the mommy in me or the stupid in me. Maybe I'll take a road trip to Austin, at least. There'll be plenty of time for goofing around after I take the bar in July.

Mock Trial: O V E R

Well, mock trial is over. We just finished one and a half days of competition, but niether of our two teams advanced to semi-finals. I did my best and got positive feedback from the judges. The good thing about this kind of experience is that it will be typical in the real world of practicing law. You'll do your best to represent a client and a jury may go against you for odd reasons. So goes life.

Mock trial is a GREAT experience. If you're interested in litigation or if you just want to improve your public speaking skills, I highly recommend this activity in law school. It's been fun and I've learned things that will help me in real practice.

My coach has been amazing, and I'm glad to know her and my teammates. We will return to Fort Worth proud that we did our best, even though we won't be bringing home any trophies.

Semester's Activities

So what have I done this semester besides study?

Mock Trial
I'm competing on the mock trial team for the National Trial Competition. We compete in regionals in Lubbock and if we make it to the next level, we compete in Austin. The competition is next week. We practice on Fridays and Saturdays, pretty much all day. This is a tremendous commitment of time, but it is the best thing I've done in law school. My teammates are really awesome. This is my third and last competition. Mock trial has allowed me to apply all the substantive things I've learned. I could not imagine law school without this trial experience.

Academic TA
I'm an academic TA this year. It's really interesting to watch the OneL students after having gone through the process myself. Lest I forget how distressed I was when I did my first open research memo, I have the privilege of coaching other students through the process while reminding them of the importance of keeping up with all their other classes. None of them run the other way when they see me coming down the hall, so hopefully I provide some kind of help and hope that they can make it through.

BLSA
I'm active in our local Black Law Student's Association (BLSA). I'm supposed to be the historian, but we had an awesome event last night and I forgot to take pictures! How crazy is that? But at least we have the memories. I came up with the idea and called it the Spring Into Success BLSA Bash. One of our professors, Everett Chambers, graciously hosted the event. He's the director of our academic support program. I wanted the first year students, especially, to get to know him early so they can avoid academic problems. I'm sure some seeds of success were planted.

BLSA also had a panel to celebrate MLK day last month and I was one of the panelist. I can't remember everything I said, but people came up to me afterwards and said my remarks were good. Generally, I said we must wake up in order to realize the dream. We have to wake up and see the injustices around us and wake up to apply the solutions. I encouraged the audience that each of them have a call to fulfill in righting wrongs as advocates. We have some more events coming up this month to celebrate black history. I'm sure they'll be enlightening and fun.

Peace and blessings, Renea

Spring '08

This semester (my last!!!), I'm taking Texas Pre-Trial Procedure, Payment Systems, Sales and Leases and Preparing for the Bar. I'll also find a way to read a nutshell or something (maybe an outline?) on Secured Transactions.

I guess the hardest part of law school has not actually been law school itself. I was told this before I even started and it has proven to be true. Life outside of law school is much more difficult to handle than law school. While you're learning completely new things and trying to manage a truck-load of reading assignments, life goes on, demanding much more of you than you have to give.

I'll see if I can strike a better balance and be more present for my children this semester. Once it's time to study for the bar, I'll have to totally focus so I want to give them as much time and attention as possible before May. They are actually at the ages where they don't require that much attention from me, but I still like to invade their play time as the tickle monster and take them museums and stuff like that.

As with any endeavor, if you're planning to go to law school, remember to count the costs.

Last Semester, Coming Up!

Wow! I can't believe it. I'm about to enter my very last semester of law school. About a day or two after graduation, I'll start studying for the bar. Three years of law school will come down to three days of testing. I'll keep interviewing for jobs and hopefully get a job offer before I graduate. I still can't believe I'm living in this area of Texas, but from what I can tell, I'll enjoy practicing law here.

The Third Year

The last year of law school is proving to be challenging but on the easy side. It's not that there's not a lot of work to do. I guess it's just that my brain is trained to read a lot, work hard and just get through it. As a TA, I get to almost re-live the process I went through. I remember being totally clueless about what an outline was, and what an exam would be like. We had pretty good help back then, but no matter what people said, I just didn't get it until I actually took an exam. Practice exams were not that helpful to me because I didn't take them seriously enough. Thank God it only took me one semester to get it and do better. When you know better, you do better. Yes?

My daugter has done pretty well her first week back in school. I'm going to surprise her with a visit either this week or next. She's already gotten into trouble for talking to much one time. She got it honest, so as long as her grades are straight A's, I'll try to be lenient about extra punishment for her talking. She is really excited about learning so I'm going to give her some extra challenges at home.



I also want to start some kind of letter recognition with my son. He's good with saying letters and numbers, but I need to see if he recognizes them visually. I'll find something on the Internet to help me with teaching a 3-year-old. He actually teaches himself some things--mainly how to disassemble and re-assemble toys and anything else he gets his hands on. He is also interesting when it comes to his limitations. He's quick to ask for (or demand) help when he can't do something. My daughter one the other hand used to get mad when she couldn't do something and would practically insist on doing things herself.

My son is very social and makes friends easily. He assumes that the kids on the playground are not only his friends, but will do whatever he says. My daughter, on the other hand, is more reluctant. She says she doesn't think it's polite to just butt in and make new friends. In fact, one time this summer at the playground, she insisted that my little son introduce her, and 8-year-old, to the kids he'd been playing with for about 10 minutes. I don't know what he said, but he finally led her over to the other kids and she edged her way into the play group. It was a hoot to watch.

I don't know how this will all work once I start working, but I really enjoy spending time with my chillun'. I wish I could duplicate myself and have the at home mommy me and the working me. That is the solution! I'll look for a cloning clinic on the Internet after I find the material for teaching a 3-year-old how to read.

Where Does the Sun Live?

Yesterday, we were driving in the car right around sundown when my son asked, "Mommy, where does the sun live at night?" My daughter and I began explaining to him how the earth rotates around the sun and how it's on the other side of the world when it's dark here. After our rather scientific explanation, I asked my three-year-old, darling son, "Now, baby, where does the sun live?" He pointed up and said, "Up in the sky!" I guess he knows more about keeping it simple than we do.

Being a mommy is so much fun!

Tagged?

I was tagged by Angela Braden at www.nuvisionforanuday.blogspot.com. Check out her blog. She is a wonderful woman!

I'm supposed to post these rules and then tell these 8 things about myself. I probably won't tag anyone else, but if you want to do the 8 things, feel free and let me know if you post it on your blog:

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Most of the rules don't apply to me, but here are my eight things right off the top of my head:

1. I don't like chocolate. For some reason people are always surprised when I say this. I can tolerate milk chocolate sometimes or even a Snicker's bar, but chocolate is not really appealing to me.
2. When I was little and playing outside sometimes, colors would seem to disappear. My playmate's varied brown and tan skin would all turn kind of off-white and everything looked totally weird. There may be some medical growing pain explanation for this, but it was very strange to me. It seemed to happen during my elementary years and never again after I got older.
3. Speaking of elementary school, I got in touch with my first best friend over the Internet through myspace. Her name is Cheryl Humphrey Bennett, and she is still one of the sweetest persons I've ever met. We originally met when we were around 4 or 5, I think.
4. I was recently published on the Dallas Observer online blog by the editor in her Bible Girl column. It's an interesting article about my quest to find a church home in DFW, well, really FW.
5. I just read The Life of Pi by Yann Martel. It's a cool book. I'm glad I read it. I'll give it a proper review in another post.
6. I'm writing another novel, but I haven't worked on it yet this summer. I have a feeling that if I start writing on it, the story will take off again. We'll see.
7. I'm a bit too over-protective as a mother. I think my children could have had a more adventurous summer. I have not allowed them to do anything beyond events where close family members are involved--my sister, parents or neices. I may need to loosen up a bit--on the other hand, maybe I don't need to loosen up.
8. I used to have a small gourmet cookie business. I started it with a dear friend and we sold at Whole Foods and Fresh Plus in Austin. We had a lot of fun, but we were like Lucy and Ethel because we got such large orders for such a micro business.

I said I wouldn't tag anyone, but I'm going to name 8 people and see if any of them read my blog and respond. Anca, Carey, Kim (any Kim), Lisa (any Lisa), Vanessa, Tracey, Gene, Elvira.

DA's Office

I watched a murder trial from jury selection to the verdict. It was an amazing process. This particular trial was a cold case--Bobby Earl Woods murdered his girlfriend 17 years ago. The state's attorneys did a great job presenting the case. It could have gone either way, but I'm glad the jury found the guy guilty. I was convinced that he did it.

I learned a lot about how to conduct myself in the court room. Hopefully if I make a mock trial team again, I'll be able to apply what I learned. It takes practice to be at ease and natural in a court room. It's also a lot of fun to do mock trials because no one's life or money is on the line.

I spend most of my time in the grand jury division. Everything is top secret so I can't say much about it. The basic thing the grand jury does is decide whether to indict a person on the charges from the police, allowing the case to move forward to prosecution. I think there are other ways to prosecute a person because one of the interns mentioned a special prosecution process. Law school teaches the academic side, but internships show you how things really work. After being at the DA's office a few weeks, I think law school should require OneLs to watch trials. I know everyone doesn't want to be a trial attorney, but it's such a great learning experience.

Good Grades and Great Internship

I made good grades generally, and ended up with a pretty good average. I was particularly pleased with my grades in Labor Law and Estates and Trusts. I worked pretty hard all year for those classes. I didn't have much time to study for Bankruptcy so that ended up being my lowest grade. I had a lot of time to study for Family Law and that ended up being my highest grade. It was a good semester.

I'm having a great time at my internship at the DA's office. One of the things we do is watch trials. So far, I've only seen some closing arguments. I've seen some great trial attorneys. I hope to watch a trial from jury selection through the verdict next week. It's amazing how much I've learned from watching attorneys in the court room.

Three L

Wow! I can now officially call myself a 3L. It seems like just a couple of years ago, I was a 1L-Hee hee.

Grades have started coming in, but I don't have the usual anxiety. At this point I know the most important thing is graduating and passing the bar. I'll be working at the Tarrant County DA's office this summer, and I'll share what I can about the experience.

I really need to write more. I may be published somewhere soon. If it happens I will blast it all over the place! In the meantime, my novel is still available if you just do a search on my name (Renea Overstreet) at amazon.com. Yes, that was a shameless plug.

I am enjoying this couple of weeks off. My son doesn't know what to do with me around all the time. I hope all these books and studying rub off on him. My daughter has already been bitten by the education bug. She says she wants to be a doctor. We'll see if that happens. She told her pediatrician and the doc said that one of her patients actually has gone on to medical school. How cool is that?

Half Way Through

Well, I'm embarking on the last half of this journey, and I feel like I've come a long way in a short amount of time.

This semester I'm taking Estates and Trusts, Family Law, Labor Law and Bankruptcy. After this first week of classes, I see why everyone says that the first year is the hardest. (Last semester was pretty challenging because we had a third semester writing class and Constitutional Law. Evidence was no joke either.) But in any event, the classes I have now are a real relief after all those foundational courses.

I'm still not sure what kind of law I want to practice. I don't want to commit to any one area right now, but I've been told that I need to pick a specialty. I can make all kinds of plans, but I'll end up doing whatever it is I'm supposed to do. I'm not steering the ship. I'm just holding on and enjoying the adventure.

Debatable

When I was an undergrad at UT, the biggest issue of debate was U.S. divestiture from South Africa because of apartheid. We would stand in the West Mall, fists raised, shouting, "Amandla awethu!" The phrase means, "The power is ours!"

I drifted among the sometimes enlightening, always entertaining, debates of various student organizations, including the zealous Steve Biko committee, the bright-eyed Republican Student Association, the Harambee Christian Bible Study, and the school's gospel choir.

My initial lessons in the area of student debate were about the importance of boycotting Coke because they wouldn't divest from South Africa. During my freshman year, I also learned about the National Security Council and other government agencies with agendas that included taking out any African American leader who could garner popularity like the late Dr. King. (Is that why Colin Powell wouldn't run for President?)

A year or so later, I observed some lines drawn in the sand between Christian students who believed that you had to be saved to be in the gospel choir and those who thought you just had to want to sing to be in the gospel choir. That debate caused something akin to an old-fashioned church split!

Now, I think debate on college campuses is gentler and kinder. One of the students organizations sponsored a debate about gay marriage at the law school today. I was only able to make the last part of the debate because we had a make-up class in Oil & Gas. When I entered the room, I felt that familiar tension as students shot their statement-questions at the speakers and the speakers answered with sound-bite quips full of information from their talking points.

I was kind of reminded of my undergraduate years when students were not afraid to stand up for what they believed and challenged others to defend their positions. However, today people are sensitive to being politically correct and so they save their most honest opinions for meetings where they don't think they have a mixed audience.

Back in the day, one of my Christian friends would probably have explained marriage as a covenant between a man and a woman ordained by God and recognized by the state. In response, one of my SGL (same gender loving)/GLBT friends may have said that marriage should be a covenant between any two consenting adults, recognized by the state and ordained by God if the two people chose to have their union in a church.

My impression was that the speakers wanted to avoid the whole "spiritual" or "religious" aspect of the debate for whatever reasons. One speaker went so far as to say that the United States was founded by people fleeing a place where "religion was being shoved down their throats." She wanted to take religion out of the debate. In this instance, I don't know if you really can or should.

Hornbuckle Trial Watch

I am just amazed at the defense's strategy in the local Hornbuckle trial. A local pastor has been accused of sexual assault, accused of using his influence as a spiritual leader to have sex with women. After looking at the relevant part of the statute*, I think the defense strategy is interesting. Their theme is cash, consent and credibility. They say the women just want money from a civil suit that two of them have filed; they consented to sex with the pastor; and they lack credibility.

The defense says there's a difference between Bishop Terry Hornbuckle and Terry Lee Hornbuckle, the man. Apparently, their strategy is to get the jury to see two different men and excuse his behavior as spiritual sin with no legal consequences.

As a former long-time member of a church similar to Agape, I'm a witness that the leadership structure in such a church may cause the people to have unrealistic views concerning the pastor. He is seen as the ultimate authority, the voice of God for the lives of the congregants. Most of the time, the leadership is not really accountable to anyone, so if the pastor goes astray, there is no one with enough authority to get him to step down or go on a sabbitical. If a congregant points out harmful behavior by the pastor, the person is seen as rebellious and unable to submit to authority. I point all this out to show why someone like Hornbuckle would be able to continue in his destructive behavior, leaving too many hurt people in his wake.

Perhaps a better strategy would have been for the defense to negotiate with the prosecutors and cut some deal. The last case I followed, which was very similar to this one, ended with the pastor losing his national office, his church, his wife, his prestige, and his freedom.

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*Texas Penal Code
§ 22.011. SEXUAL ASSAULT
...
(b) A sexual assault under Subsection (a)(1) is without the consent of the other person if:
...
(10) the actor is a clergyman who causes the other person to submit or participate by exploiting the other person's emotional dependency on the clergyman in the clergyman's professional character as spiritual adviser; or
...